When Must We Marry?

We re-emphasise that the signs of this urge are hidden inside a person and everyone can judge it for himself. If the parents are intelligent and attentive, they can understand very well when their son or daughter needs a spouse.

THE VIEW OF AN EXPERT

Sometime age, I went to see Ayatollah Ibrahim Amiri (a pious, discernible scholar conversant with family problems for many years, who has close contacts with the problems of youth). I had a talk with him on his viewpoint of the marriage age, which he has discussed in his book "The Spouse Selection."

Before narrating the detail of the discussion, I hereby exactly cite what he has written in his book:

"The nature and special creation of man has fixed the ago of marriage and thati tis the puberty age. When a boy reaches puberty at the age of 16 and a girl at 10 years, theycan marry. But it is better to delay the marriage up to 17 years and 14 or 15 years in boys and girls respectively. Because boys and girls do not have sufficient amount of mental and intellectual maturity at the beginning of puberty, and at this age might have difficutlties accompanied with it. Furthermore, in the initial two or three years after puberty, sexual instinct is not completely awakened and does not pressurise the youth too much, and its endurance is not so much difficult.

Therefore, it can be said that the most suitable marriage age for boys is 17 to 18 years and for girls 14 to 17 years. But it is not advisable to delay their marriage beyong the above mentioned ages, since it may cause negative physical, spiritual or social diseases and discrepancies. The sexual instinct, having completely and absolutely awakened, is provoked and excited and exerts pressure upon the youth. And there is no alternative left except fulfilling the desire lawfully. The sexual urge is just like the urge and need for water and food. Can you tell a hungry of thirsty person to refrain from eating ad drinking? Can another activity, evne exercise and recreaton or games, divert the attention of a hungry and thirsty one from food or water? The sexual urge too is like hunger and thirst, rather it is many times stronger and more powerful. And if it is not soothed and axhieved through lawful means, it may deviate and drag a young one towards going astray and sin, and controlling it is very difficult. And we must not remain indifferent and unmindful about the bad consequences of sexual deviation pertaining to this world and the Hereafter.

Supposedly, even if the youth could, by virtue of his faith, shame and modesty control the powerful sexual lust and does not indulge in sin, yet what would be done with its negative physical and spiritual consequences? Therefore, there is no choece but to get married at a fixed age, and one must marry as soon as possible."1

I asked him if he still held the same view and opinion about the time of marriage, even when many years had passed since the publication of his book, "Intekhabe Hamsar" (The Spouse Selection).

He replied: "yes, this is the sole way of rectification and solutionto the problem of the youth; that is, they marryt at the natural timeof marriage,and until such time as this difficulty is not removed, no other way of

________________________

1- Intekhab-e Hamsar, p31/32 (The spouse selection).