The Religion Of The Ignorant
Another culture of Ignorantism that starts during this period or shortly afterwards is the psychology of courting. Young men and women raised in a self-interested, selfish way begin to form distorted male-female relationships and prepare themselves for an equally distorted concept of marriage in the period that follows.
A young man who suggests to a girl that they go out together is also offering her a complete package, including his behavior, his manner of speech, troubles, caprices, the places he goes and manner of approaching people. The structure of this package, based on mutual insecurity, is such as to demean both parties and help cause them lose their personalities when put into practice. This relationship model between people maintains its fundamental elements for years, altering only in terms of places attended, clothing, style and behavior in accord with conditions of the time.
During the courting period, both parties share the same state of mind, ways of thinking and looking at events. Indeed, the precondition to experience such a period in the first place is to possess the state of mind it requires. It is impossible to adopt the behavior this system requires with a normal state of mind. This particular state can be experienced only in an environment when emotions hold sway and reason and moral judgments cease to apply.
In deciding whether to go steady, the major factor is how much display this partnership can achieve. Even if the other party isn't much liked, still it's important to have someone around to show and so not to have to go places all alone. It is hugely embarrassing for a student to have no one to go out with. Neither party uses their own true personality or behaves honestly in order to bind the other to them. They assume a second personality instead.
There is a certain way of meeting and beginning to talk and to date, for every two people who want to date each other.
The girl starts going to particular places in order to meet the person she likes. She first identifies someone at a party, in school or on holiday. She starts to walk around and laugh in such a way as to attract his attention, and seeks to join the group and meet the other party's friends. It's essential in doing this not to allow the boy to sense her interest, though her attention is actually entirely focused on him.
After they have met, the first features to come up for scrutiny are physical appearance and wealth. Make of car, where the other person lives, where they spend the summer, the school they attend, the accessories they wearâ€”all give a fair idea of whether to take an interest. All these are analyzed and a plusses and minuses drawn up before making a decision whether to invite this person out.
There then follows an exchange of phone numbers and an invitation to go somewhere. It's important that the boy should be the one to issue the invitation. He also has to pay when they go out. The next day, the girl spends all day waiting by the telephone and generally doesn't leave the house. The boy will generally not call immediately, so as not to appear too keen. When speaking on the phone, they behave in a manner learned from films, and all contact with the outside world is cut off. The girl has to put on a show of reluctance, even if she actually feels nothing of the sort. After they have spent a certain amount of time in each other's company, romantic behavior begins. They lose themselves in romantic songs and in an artificial mist.
Once they have started going out together, all their tastes are readjusted. A process begins of dressing according to the taste of the other party and listening to music of the other party's choice, of giving the impression of understanding things one really does notâ€”in short, falsehood. Seeking the other's approval, which is the fundamental motive of the Religion of the Ignorant, takes place at the very highest level. As matters grow more serious, gifts begin to be purchased, and their price tags increase over time. These presents are shown to their respective families and friends. The recipients make it clear that they are sufficiently well liked to be worth such valuable presents. Both parties seek information about the other's families and acquaintances. If one's family is rich, they will immediately seek to show the other where they live. If the family is not rich, then false appearances will be given and the other party kept at a distance. The dissemblers will behave as if they own things they do not, and have gone places they've never been to. Since they know that this will determine the value the other places on them, great expertise will be demonstrated in this area. Having a wide circle of acquaintances is a sign of wealth. They will speak of people they have never met as if they actually know them. There are always certain subject matters of conversation.
In male-female relations, no effort is made to seek the approval of Allah or to observe the bounds set by Him, just as in all other areas. It is not acceptable to be known to be devout and in awe of Allah. The subject is closed by meaningless expressions such as "Everyone has his own beliefs."